Thursday, July 19, 2012

Superman or dickhead

Okay. So I was sitting on the throne this morning and I was thinking about the Superman movie. Not the new one, due out later this year. Not the Brandon Routh/Kevin Space reboot from a few years ago. No, the first proper blockbuster Superman from 1978. Superman saves Lois Lane's life twice in that film. Once by catching her as she falls from a helicopter and once by reversing the direction of planetary spin and turning back time (Huh?). Anyway scroll forward to Superman II and Clark Kent (in all his all 6ft 4in broad-shouldered, spectacle-wearing glory) and Lois go away to Niagra Falls, where Lois finally begins to suspect that Clark is Superman. She throws herself into the Niagra river, expecting Clark to turn into Superman and come to her rescue. Only he doesn't. Instead he stays in character and, by using his laser vision to shoot down a tree branch, manages to indirectly rescue Lois from the raging torrent. That night, he accidentally drops his glasses into the fire in their bedroom, puts his hand in and retrieves them, thus proving, accidentally, that he is, in fact, Superman. Which means that Lois Lane almost drowned because Clark Kent was afraid to reveal his alter ego. If you were Lois wouldn't you be a bit pissed off? "Hold on. If you are Superman, why the fuck didn't you come out there and rescue me in the river? What would have happened if I hit my head and knocked myself out? You fucking dickhead!" It would be like giving your girlfriend a newspaper to hold over her head in a torrential downpour, when you had a car all along.

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